How can I tell the difference between immaturity and maturity?

Every Friday, we open our Instagram to the Ours community and let couples submit questions to our team of couples therapists. We pick the most interesting ones and write our thoughts here. This week’s question is: “How can I tell the difference between immaturity and maturity?”

Great question! I think the easiest way to identify maturity vs. immaturity is to take a look at if the person was able to pause, reflect, and emotionally regulate before making a decision or engaging in a behavior.

For example, suppose you wanted to explore if you responded in a mature manner to your partner asking you to take the garbage out (even though they hardly ever do this chore), you might ask yourself:

1. Did I snap back with a response?
2. Did I process how I was feeling on my own, and then circle back with them later about how I felt in that moment?

Conflict is normal in a relationship and emotional maturity takes time to develop, especially if we didn’t have it modeled for us growing up.

I always tell folks to look for the pause before reacting. That’s a real indicator of emotional maturity!