Premarital

5 Questions To Ask Your Partner Before Getting Engaged

  • Published Jan 22, 2024

    4 mins read
  • Written by:Julie Nguyen
  • Reviewed by:Hannah Grisack
5 Questions To Ask Your Partner Before Getting Engaged

contents

After working with thousands of couples, Ours has figured out a few key questions that will help you walk down the aisle with total confidence.

Getting engaged is one of the most romantic experiences you can have with your partner. You’re showing the world the depth of your commitment while also letting your partner know that it’s you and them, forever and always. But for a healthy marriage to last, an engagement is about more than popping the big question on the big day. Before the big question, you have to answer a bunch of little questions first so the “I do’s” feel extra significant and meaningful. 

Here are the 5 questions to ask your partner before getting engaged:

  1. What does a happy marriage look like to you?
  2. What do you think of our parents and friends relationship?
  3. How will we manage finances?
  4. What’s one tiny realistic goal and one out-there incredible goal?
  5. Is there anything we want to explore deeper before getting married?

What does a happy marriage look like to you?

Be specific about the things you need for your relationship to thrive. Create space to figure out a day in the life or a week in the life of what you would both love. Whatever it is, getting clear on these values will serve as anchors to carry you through life’s unpredictable changes. When you’re doing something really important together — for example, going to a baby shower for your sibling — take a moment to tell them how much you can’t wait to have kids with them one day.

What do you think of our parents and friends relationships?

Sit your partner down over a nice dinner date and discuss what you love about your parents and friends relationships. If you adore how your best friend celebrates their anniversary with a personalized love poem, borrow some bits of their tradition while adding a few of your special things to make it your own. Don’t stop there either. Think about the things you notice about their relationships that you want to avoid, then actively make a game plan to do just that.

How will we manage finances?

Money is one of the top reasons for divorce. Don’t let it be a factor in your relationship by discussing your finances early on. When you’re dating, dig into how you want to split the bill for dates or pay for weekend getaways. It’s not always comfortable to bring up money, but it’s best to do this when it’s not in the heat of the moment or in the midst of some big purchase. To make it feel super intentional, bring it up during your next relationship check-in so you can get on the same wavelength. During that time, don’t forget to dig into your individual money beliefs so you can understand where you are both coming from too.

What’s one tiny realistic goal and one out-there incredible goal?

Marriage is about a shared vision together. Having similar goals means that you are moving in the same direction and you feel good about where you’re headed. When you’re cuddling in bed, dare to dream up your goals together. 

Is there anything we want to explore deeper before getting married?

This is one of the top questions couples deal with. The next time you’re talking about your relationship during your date night, get into the nitty gritty of your relationship. Are there still any past issues they’re thinking about? Is there a fight that they still can’t get over? Are they still feeling insecure about a past ex? Proactively doing this shows your partner it’s OK to be honest and it’s OK to have hard, but necessary, conversations.

Conclusion

We know the secret to an engagement that leads to a long-lasting marriage. And the best part? At Ours, we don’t believe in keeping secrets from you and your partner. With decades of research, 10,000 hours of team time, and a team of world-renowned therapists — we’ve developed a fun and thought-provoking approach to modern, premarital counseling.

Premarital counseling on Ours

100% virtual premarital counseling with licensed, highly-vetted therapists.

Get started

More articles

Local

6 mins

Top 10 best couples therapists in the Bay Area [2024]

Some couples seek therapy to resolve conflict or bring back intimacy, and others use it as a tool to proactively strengthen their relationship. If you…

Premarital

11 mins

Pre-marriage counseling: Benefits + what to expect

Pre-marriage counseling is a great way to create a strong foundation for your marriage long before the wedding happens. You’ll learn how to align your…

Relationship wellness

9 mins

Does marriage counseling really work?

Not only is marriage counseling a great way to overcome challenges in a relationship, but it’s also a great way to proactively strengthen it. Together,…

Premarital

7 mins

So What Is Premarital Counseling

In this piece we'll walk you through the ins and outs of premarital counseling, plus walk you through how we do things differently at Ours.…
a couple working through a relationship worksheet together online

Relationship wellness

5 mins

Five couples therapy worksheets to strengthen your relationship  

A strong and healthy relationship starts with effective communication. That’s why we’ve created five couples therapy worksheets — your cheat sheets to foster a more…

Local

6 mins

10 best marriage counselors in Cleveland

Finding the right marriage counseling service in Cleveland can take a lot of work, so we put together a list of the top 10 counselors…

Local

6 mins

Top 10 best couples counselors in NYC

There are great couples counselors throughout New York City who can help you strengthen your relationship. The marriage rate in New York was at 5.2…

Relationship wellness

11 mins

14 Tips for How to Bring Back Intimacy in a Marriage

If your relationship is struggling with intimacy, you’re not alone. One study surveyed almost 18,000 couples in the United States and found that 15.6 percent…