5 Questions To Ask Your Partner Before Getting Engaged
Getting engaged is one of the most romantic experiences you can have with your partner. You’re showing the world the depth of your commitment while also letting your partner know that it’s you and them, forever and always. Swoon. But for a healthy marriage to last, an engagement is about more than popping the big question on the big day. Before the big question, you have to answer a bunch of little questions first so the “I do's” feel extra significant and meaningful. After working with thousands of couples, OURS has figured out a few key questions that will help you walk down the aisle with total confidence.
What does a happy marriage look like to you?
Be specific about the things you need for your relationship to thrive. Perhaps it’s meaningful they’re able to center your career path or they’re on the same page about wanting a family together. Create space to figure out a day in the life or a week in the life of what you would both love. Whatever it is, getting clear on these values will serve as anchors to carry you through life’s unpredictable changes. When you’re doing something really important together — for example, going to a baby shower for your sibling — take a moment to tell your sweetheart how much you can’t wait to have kids with them one day.
What do you think of our parents and friends relationship?
Sit your partner down over a nice dinner date and discuss what you love about parents and friends relationships. If you adore how your best friend celebrates their anniversary with a personalized love poem, borrow some bits of their tradition while adding a few of your special things to make it your own. Don’t stop there either. Think about the things you notice about their relationships that you want to avoid, then actively make a game plan to do just that.
How will we manage finances?
Money is one of the top reasons for divorce. Don’t let it be a factor in your relationship by discussing your finances early on. When you’re dating, dig into how you want to split the bill for dates or pay for weekend getaways. It’s not always comfortable to bring up money, but it’s best to do this when it’s not in the heat of the moment or in the midst of some big purchase. To make it feel super intentional, bring it up during your next relationship check-in so you can get on the same wavelength. During that time, don’t forget to dig into your individual money beliefs so you can understand where you are both coming from too.
What's one tiny realistic goal and one out-there incredible goal?
Marriage is about a shared vision together. Having similar goals means that you are moving in the same direction and you feel good about where you’re headed. When you’re cuddling in bed, dare to dream up your goals together. For realistic, maybe it’s trying something new like going to Japan for a summer. For your out-there realistic goal, perhaps it’s building your dream home in upstate New York. The possibilities are endless with your partner by your side.
Is there anything we want to explore deeper before getting married?
This is one of the top questions OURS couples deal with. The next time you’re talking about your relationship during your date night, get into the nitty gritty of your relationship. Are there still any past issues they’re thinking about? Is there a fight that they still can’t get over? Are they still feeling insecure about a past ex? Proactively doing this shows your partner it’s OK to be honest and it’s OK to have hard, but necessary, conversations.
We know the secret to an engagement that leads to a long-lasting marriage. And the best part? With OURS, we don’t believe in keeping secrets from each other. With decades of research, 10,000 hours of team time, and a team of world-renowned therapists — we’ve developed a fun and thought-provoking approach to modern, premarital counseling. Join us today to see what all of the buzz is about.